Tuesday, July 15, 2008


Andrea Avari, Ph.D.

Living in Creative Chaos

I have begun to make friends with uncertainty. It hasn’t been easy. I watch the ocean rolling forward with certainty in a high tide and then retreating from the shore and exposing the oyster beds with a regularity that is comforting. The tide tables have the changes described to the exact meter and the exact time each transition will occur.

I see the same pattern in my own thinking and behaviors at times. I like the safety and security that it affords until I realize that it is becoming restricting. My creativity is limited to moments of “feeling good”.

We all have times of wanting to be in control and to exercise our power. Our ego wants its “way.” We don’t want to make mistakes; we like “getting it right the first time.” We are not as interested in the process of observing and supporting ourselves as we work through obstacles as we are in “being perfect”. We bring in the judgments of ourselves as though these fear-based thoughts would actually motivate us to connect with our innate creativity from our Source. Because it is an old repeating behavior pattern, it tends to feel known and comforting even though it is blocking our wellspring of creativity that originates within our inner Self.

Other times we restrict ourselves to limiting our creative boundaries because we instinctively want approval from others. That is old behavior that served us well when we needed to be part of a group for survival. Moving beyond that point we can now access our potential of transformation into that which we really are…..the Self that is unbounded. It is the Source of our most precious creativity, the expression of who we truly are.

The Self exists in the present moment of uncertainty. The tide that is calm and inviting to a kayaker may suddenly turn windy and rough. A log may be around the corner, a big wave that came out of nowhere, no one knows for certain. If the kayaker holds onto fear and operates out of the energy of anxiety, the creative response will be rigid and limiting. If the rider can focus on trusting one’s inner process of the present moment instead, the rider will know instinctively how to be with the kayak so that it will flow naturally with the movement of the water.

Creativity comes into its essence when we are uncertain. When we live each moment as an opening to what is possible rather than presupposing how it “should be”, we are in the flow of our authentic self. If we can allow ourselves to appreciate the uncertainty of the moment, the ego can step aside and spirit flows through us. If we choose fear, the ego steps in to protect us, limiting us to our contracted worldly-self, emitting sporadic spurts of creativity.

Learning to hold ourselves steady in moments of uncertainty means that we allow the opportunity of the unlimited unknown to bring us into newness. In every moment we can choose to release old thoughts that no longer serve us, letting go of stereotypical thinking, moving limiting energy from our bodies, and changing our behavioral responses to life’s opportunities for growth in our creative process.

Whether we are creating visually, through the verbal or written word, in dreams, or with our bodies, every moment in our lives ask us to make a choice to live in the ultimate creative expression of who we are. If we learn to ride the waves of uncertainty, we can know that we are truly present and living in the flowing energy of our creativity.


Andrea Avari, Ph.D. is the author of A Hit of Heaven: a soul’s journey through illusion. She may be contacted through her website at andeaavari.com or andrea@andreaavari.com.

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